There are several people lucky enough to have an in-person relationship with my daughter. Family, friends, and teachers. These people all love to tell me how sweet she is, how pleasant. She is always a fantastic listener at school. Always a good friend to her classmates. Always "so easy!".
While I do not deny that my girl has a real knack for caring and an amazing sweet streak, I also know that she can be very far from it.
At home, the dark side can really come out. We've had some heated arguments lately. She can be violent too - my hair is tired of getting pulled. A few days ago, she even chased me around the house trying to bite my leg.It breaks my heart to see her with so much rage. To hear her exclaim, "Mommy, I can't stop crying!" when she has gotten over the initial anger.
She is a spirited and strong-willed child. She is extremely smart and knows just what buttons to push to drive me up the wall. And while I have let myself get angry with her, I know I need to get these situations under control. And soon.
On bad days, I feel like a hostage in my own home. I walk on eggshells, waiting for the next little thing to set her off. And that doesn't feel good.
I've reflected a lot about my own behaviors lately. I've searched for parenting advice that breaks out of the "timeout" mold - this may work for other kids, but it certainly does not work with mine. I never believe I have the right answers, but I'm ready to work hard within myself and see what sticks.
My new mommy mantra:
- What will not hurt her does not need a "no".
- Messes, within reason, are not a big deal.
- If she insists she does't need potty, she wants trust. Let it go, even if an accident is imminent.
- When the sweetness comes out (or the monster stays in), praise praise praise.
- The angrier I feel, the less emotion I should show.
- "Inside voice" applies to Mommy too.
- When it matters, Mommy is always the boss. I will not get overthrown.
Wish me luck. I need to regain control of this sinking ship.
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7 comments:
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Good mantra, I'll be repeating it this week! Our girls our the same age (April '08) and I feel similarly. I'm walking on eggshells all the time, but she's so darn cute at the same time!
I so know what you mean. I have three under five. And if you need a laugh I posted a silly list of things I would like my kids to stop doing so we can get on with our lives. I love the one about not saying no to things that are not dangerous. Sometimes no becomes a reflex. And it gets over used. Hnag in there and have a glass of wine!
Awwww! Sending lots of LOVE and happy thoughts your way. You're doing a great job!
While I don't think it's necessarily as extreme as her situation, you may want to talk to The Motherhood Umbrella for support if you're looking for it...
http://mommylebron.wordpress.com/
I don't mean to be flippant about this, but, really, I'm sorry to say: some days are like this. They just are.
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