BBC in the AM!

My hopes for Bloggy Bootcamp Atlanta 2011:

• I hope I recognize a few faces. It is not easy to match tiny twitter avatars to real-life lovely ladies!
• I hope the food is good. And I hope we get snacks. I like snacks.
• I hope I kick my social anxiety to the curb and dive into some great conversations.
• I hope Bloggy Bootcamp re-energizes me, my creativity, and my writing.

I am awake way too late, but a little high-strung. Wish me luck! Off I go, bright and early....  

I wish for you...

Sometimes, a writing prompt gives me an immediate jolt of inspiration. I know what I want to write and how I want to write it.

This week, Mama Kat showed this image that's been floating around Facebook:

And Mama Kat asked... "Who does it make you think about?"

No pondering needed with this one. My thoughts went instantaneously to someone. Not a person who isn't making an effort in my life, but a person who needs to read these words, take them to heart, and get the dead weight out of her life. Forever.

I am not at liberty to talk about it here
    ... which probably makes for a pretty lame blog post.

But it is not my own life to analyze, nor my own life to discuss on the Internet.

But for those of you out there who allow others to manipulate your feelings?

I wish for you strength.

For those who accept letdowns from the same person/people time and time again?

I wish for you self-worth.

And for those who hang on tightly to someone who just cannot give back?

I wish for you power.

The power to know when the time is right... and finally let go.


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When you hear the word cancer

Today's guest post is from a very special friend. We met through an online "expecting club" about four years ago. We were both expecting our first child in April 2008. She was having a girl, I was having a girl also. And at the time, we both lived in the same suburban area of Atlanta.

Life threw my friend a few curve balls along the way, but she refused to strike out. She has since moved away to pursue cancer treatment at MD Anderson, and she recently launched a very special project to bring smiles to others in need. Throughout all her trials, she has never ceased to amaze me with her poise and integrity.

I am honored to feature her guest post here today:

- - - -

When you hear the word cancer I believe part of your brain goes into a place where all of life’s what if’s, why’s and everything else all come crashing down at once. I imagine this is the feeling that anyone in a dark place feels. My brain worked like that for a moment when I was pregnant and hearing the words cancer, chemotherapy, radiation, and all sorts of other terms I did not comprehend. As my diagnosis and illness rocked along, I felt like those words or that far place would eventually be replaced by something grand. I had a healthy and beautiful little girl and I was oh so thankful for that. I continue to battle with my illness but how blessed am I to say that I am BATTLING. I never gave up and never will; I have far too much to live for and one little person who is ready to see her mama take on new battles each day.

In my journey I discovered that although the people closest to you want to be your support system, at times it can hit too close to home, be too difficult, or they are just not equipped to think along those lines. Sadly the person who is battling begins to feel isolated and on this island of uncertainty. After trying to recreate the wheel in my own support system, a light bulb went off. I can be someone’s rock, or I can tell him or her THANK YOU for fighting. I realize I am only one person, but I am a person who is fighting too!

I thought of ways to get my praise out there and really reminisced over the lost art of letter writing, sending and/or receiving mail other than a bill or junk! How awesome would it be opening a letter from someone who you do not even know thanking you for your courage, the heart that a higher power gave you to take on so much and still try? The Soaring Swallow Project was born.

The idea is simple. I ask people who know of someone who is battling or fighting one of life’s uphill battles to kindly give me that person’s address, and I will happily send out a letter to lift that person’s spirits. I absorb the costs, I do not expect replies (they are welcomed) all I hope is that the person who is opening that letter smiles, or knows they matter.

Everyone matters - sometimes we just need to hear it from someone else!

- - - -
"We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love."
-Mother Teresa
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Follow the Soaring Swallow Project on Facebook

Visit her blog, Cupcake Earthquake

They never say "I can't"

An ant never believes that it is too little.

An ant never says “that’s too big”.

When an ant has a massive task ahead, he marches forward. He relies on friends, family, and neighbors. He is not afraid to seek their help. And together, this army of ants becomes powerful. They build higher and higher and higher, until the anthill rises far above their little heads.

Whenever we are in times of need, with tasks ahead that seem too big to bear, we should be more like ants. Not afraid to reach out to others; not embarrassed to ask for help. Despite life’s letdowns and looming obstacles, we can band together with loved ones and march forward.

We are about five hundred times larger than ants… just imagine what we can do.
Together.

- - -

We could all use this lesson now and then. But today, I post in honor of a close loved one who is facing what feels like an impassible hurdle. She is not too small, nor is she ever alone. Together, we will lift her up - and over. XOXOXO

If I had $1,000,000

"If I Had $1,000,000" is a song by the Canadian musical group Barenaked Ladies, circa 1992 or so. I was listening to it recently, and a thought crossed my mind:

What if I was given a million dollars - but had to give it all away?

Think about it. How would you spread the wealth? Wouldn't it be fun to give so much away?

If I had a million dollars to spread around, I would...

Hire a private team of specialists to work for, train, and support my sister-in-law in her continued quest for independence as a paraplegic. Since insurance companies are lacking and our government can't stop wasting money, we seem to be on our own. Without a doubt, a chunk of my million would go to creating the best Dream Team money can buy: a top-notch physical therapist, a brilliant nutritionist, and a tough but understanding personal trainer. One year in their hands, and she would be kicking some serious booty. Because she has it in her. She just needs help finding it.

Help fund research efforts at two of the best cancer treatment facilities in the world: St. Jude's for children and MD Anderson. I have to believe that we will find a cure for this hidden monster one day. Every single one of us knows a family, probably several, rocked by the evils of cancer. Enough is enough.

Write a big check to Amelia's preschool. We could not be more pleased with the experience we have had there for the past three years. Amelia is loved, nurtured, and very happy there. As a church school, funding is often tight. I would love to see what they could do with a giant donation.

Share the gift of adventure and travel. For my parents? Perhaps a luxury trip to Germany and Austria. Both sides of my family have genes from this area of the world. My parents do not like to fly, so I would make sure the trip was first class all the way. An airplane isn't so bad from the comforts of your own sleeping cubby in first class. And they deserve it.

Treat my mother-in-law to a total relaxation vacation at an east coast coastal destination. Somewhere like the Cloister on Sea Island. Somewhere peaceful and in surrounded by nature. Somewhere she can be utterly pampered. I think a personal luxury limo ride to the resort would be nice. And a four-day/five-night world class spa package. She can spend her days breathing in the aromatic spa scents while specialized treatments relax her entire body and soul. I will try not to be jealous that I cannot go.

Green space and outdoor play are important elements to a happy childhood. What about sprucing up several inner-city parks? A lot of kids are fighting for their lives in the concrete jungle. A little grass between their toes and a place to be a kid certainly couldn't hurt.

Tell me... how would you share the wealth?

A day to remember

September 11th. 9-11. A day most of the world will never forget.

I was at work. In my office. I started hearing talk of a big plane crash in New York. I got on the Internet. Saw what had happened to the first plane and the World Trade Center tower. Listened to the newscasters. They said it may have been terrorism.

I called my boyfriend (now my husband). He was still asleep, sick that day. I told him to turn on the television. As he watched, we saw the second plane hit. We knew at that moment, this was no ordinary plane crash.

There was talk of more planes. One hit the Pentagon. One later crashed in a field. All air traffic was grounded. No one knew what was going on. Or, maybe we did know. But we were still in too much shock to admit it.

I called my parents. They had been out. Didn't know what I was talking about. I told them to turn on the TV. They gasped. No one could believe what they were seeing.

Some Atlanta-area buildings were closed. At that time, I worked in a building called the Financial Center, similar to the World Trade Center. It's unique in that a highway actually runs underneath it. We were told to go home.

For the rest of that day, the immediate people in my life were with me. We were glued to the television. Never have I, before or since, watched anything for 12 hours straight. We could not pull away.

September 11th, 2001 was a terrifying and heartbreaking day for our country. About three thousand people lost their lives. Heroes who entered the chaos to help save others. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers. Someone's children.

I'm sure some happy things occurred that day. I'm sure babies were born to ecstatic parents. Maybe some couples got married. Some students somewhere aced a big test. A teenager may have gotten his/her first car. Mine was just a regular day, until I visited CNN.com around 8-something in the morning to see what the talk was about. Then I did nothing. Just watched and felt numb.

I know we'll always remember what happened to us on that day. I will also never forget the feeling of the next day - September 12th. I drove into work at the usual time. American flags had popped up in yards overnight. Car rear windshields now sported flag stickers. People in Atlanta rush-hour traffic were nicer. Not driving rudely or erratically. Not in a big hurry. We were all just cruising our way down the interstates, going to work and school, making sure life would go on. By doing so, we made sure the bad guys didn't win.

Spreading the word

In terms of back-to-school, summer is pretty much over across the country. But us southerners still have hot weather, and we will continue to have have many kids in pools for the next few weekends.

I'm deviating from my usual blog content because I feel like I have to spread the word. For those of you who don't know, my sister-in-law suffered a terrible fall on July 8th and is learning to live life paralyzed from the chest down. We have spent countless hours at the rehab hospital with her. 100+ people are at this facility on any given day. And in the summer months, many of the injured patients, paraplegics and quadriplegics, sustained their injuries from diving accidents. Diving into pools that are not sufficient depth for diving. Diving into the ocean, not realizing a sandbar was underneath. Diving off a pier into seemingly deep waters.

I see kids flopping themselves into our neighborhood pool quite often. I see teenagers lunging into the ocean when we're on a beach vacation. And for the rest of my life, I'll probably cringe when I see those things. My daughter will not do those things when I'm around.

More than 850 spinal cord injuries occur from diving-related injuries each year. The majority of these result in quadriplegia - paralysis of all limbs.

Is this on your pool?

DON'T DO IT!

I don't want to cause fear or seem overzealous here... but I couldn't let it slide. As our summer heat winds down, just think an extra second before you let your child dive. Or throw them haphazardly into the water. And remember it next year. And the next. And the next. And for years beyond that. Most diving-related spinal cord injuries occur between the ages of 15 and 25. But they can happen at all ages.

Thanks for letting me be a little heavy tonight. I couldn't ignore it any longer.

We all love our kids! Even the teenagers.

Tearful shopping

I spoke again to a therapist about Amelia. I'm trying to be the "perfect mom" by making sure she isn't getting damaged by the stressful/emotional environment around here. I've watched enough Supernanny and Nanny 911 to know that most kid issues are the fault of the parents and/or environment. And I do not want to screw this kid up. She's too amazing.

Amelia really embraces her visits to the rehab center to see her aunt. She has never batted an eye at the wheelchairs she sees there. She's happy to ride along with her aunt or "steer" the wheelchair as she walks along beside it. But lately, Amelia has been acting strange. And I wanted to understand everything I could about how this may be affecting her - and causing some of these new behaviors.

We've been through two phases of separation anxiety before. Around 7 months of age and earlier this year. Amelia is in quite a serious anxiety phase now too. She cries and screams when I leave the room. She chases me upstairs if I'm simply going to brush my teeth. She wants to play with Mommy, sit by Mommy, sleep with Mommy. She's waking in the night and calling for us again. Amelia has pranced merrily into her classroom 2x/week for the past 11 months, but now she's clinging to me and crying again. Today, she begged me not to take her to school.

Hear that? It's the sound of my heart breaking.

We've had family members in and out of our house for a couple months now. And will for at least one more month to come. It's the least we can do for everyone while my sister-in-law is in the rehab center (we're the only ones that live in the Atlanta area). But Amelia's first question every morning is, "who is here, Mommy?"

She is very concerned with who is here, who has left, who is or isn't coming back. Even Daddy leaves for the day to go to work, and she has to confirm with me that he is (1) only at work and will (2) definitely be home tonight. With all of the in & out, I assume she sees me as the one who is always here. Always here when she wakes up, always there to pick her up from school. And I'm sensing some fear in her - maybe she thinks one day I'll leave while she's not looking.

Anyway, I got some fantastic tips for dealing with Amelia's new found anxieties. I'm supposed to not just respond to her concerns, but explain to her what they are. I've been saying, "Mommy always comes back" over & over again, but I should be prefacing that with, "You were afraid Mommy was going to leave, weren't you? You felt sad because you were scared without Mommy." Amelia is only two, so she needs help tying her emotion to a cause.

Check. I can do that.

The therapist also recommended that I get some special books for her. Books regarding family member illness, fears, and worry. So I took a trip to Barnes & Noble. I didn't find anything for our situation, or appropriate for Amelia's young age. Most of these books seem to hit more of the 4+ age groups. But the multitude of therapy books on the shelves was eye-opening. And I became sad. Even a little teary-eyed.

Books about divorce:
I Don't Want to Talk About it
It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear

Books about cancer:
When Mommy Loses Her Hair
Can I Still Kiss You?

Books about death:
Help Me Say Goodbye
I Don't Have an Uncle Phil Anymore

Okay, A LOT teary-eyed. It hurts my heart to think of children who have to deal with such grown-up things. Kids should be happy, carefree, playing.

But things happen. More things than I had in mind, since I was keeping my tunnel vision on our own singular family situation.

Stop and hug your child today. And really feel it. That's what I'm going to do.

Sugar & Spice - for now

Newsflash!

My fiery little princess may be emerging from her terrible twos!!!

Could it be?
She has been really sweet lately.

Amelia is listening much better to instruction - when I tell her it's clean up time and I sing the clean-up song, she actually cleans up!

Amelia is more understanding of Mommy's feelings - when I tell her I'm too hot/tired to play outside anymore, she pats my arm and says, "It's OK, Mommy. I'll rub your back."

Amelia's transitioning has improved - the "first this, then this" logic is finally starting to sink in. She does use this to her own advantage sometimes ("Just one more show, Mommy, then I'll take a nap."), but at least we're communicating.

This is not to say we don't have tantrums and disagreements, but those tend to be brief and somewhat easily fixed. She is relying on the pacifier for shorter & shorter periods of time before handing it over to play.

I think my little girl is growing up. Again!

If this indeed marks a turning point in Amelia's attitude, I will soon happily announce that I survived the terrible twos! Not easy. I have a daughter with a little edge to her personality. She is independent, opinionated, and very vocal when it comes to her wants and needs. I feel like I've been beaten by a little Jekyll & Hyde for 4 months. If this is the end... or at least an improvement... I will be one happy mama.

Right now, the more experienced mothers are laughing at me. Just wait, they say. Just wait until age three. Just wait, they say. Wait until you have more than one kid. Just wait... it's coming back one day.

I know, I know.

But for now, let me live in my little cocoon of bliss. I'm enjoying it here.

Pic of the week

I was in the process of talking myself OUT of writing a new blog post. Another long day. In a series of many long and heart-heavy days. I'm not feeling very rested (or balanced!) these days. I'm super lazy about many things, including keeping up with 5-6 blog posts per week.

But then Twitter spoke to me.
Or should I say, MamaKat spoke to me via this tweet:

mamakatslosinit
Let's have a favorite photo of the week link up at my place. Who's in?

That sounded easy enough! So here you go. My favorite photo of the week:

My sweet sister-in-law, enjoying some outdoor time in the garden. She has since begun to learn a manual wheelchair and has accomplished even more amazing tasks. This picture makes me smile. Beacuse it looks like peace. May God continue to grant her peace and strength.

4 Moms In One (A Wordful Wednesday)

Striving to be that "perfect" mom. The happy mom. And the working mom. Now adding another hat for a little while - fundraising mom.

I want to do all I can for my husband's family and especially his sister, who was involved in an accident on July 8th. She is getting fantastic care at a phenomenal rehab center in Atlanta, but will be learning to live life all over again - from a wheelchair. She is a sweet, gentle, caring person. She is lucky to have survived the accident, and came out of it with the use of her arms, no brain damage, and breathing on her own. Those were miracles out of her tragedy.

We created a blog documenting my SIL's progress. It's also a place where friends and family can send their supportive messages. And now we've added a fundraiser. We want to make sure my SIL gets the best equipment for her home, a proper retrofit for her car, and a wheelchair that fits her needs. Insurance covers some of this, short-term disability holds some of her income, and her husband's employer has been so kind to keep him paid while he is in Atlanta with his wife. But we know the bills will add up. And if we can help to take the financial stress away, then a little more focus can be given to healing and overcoming.

Parents, school is starting soon. If you want a simple gesture for your kids' teachers as you begin a new school year, consider our apple charm pin fundraiser. My SIL is a teacher, and her fellow disctrict teachers/friends will be wearing these until she returns to school.

$4.00 each

If you are interested, click the envelope icon on the right sidebar to email me (julie@3MomsInOne.com). I'll get your address for shipping and send instructions for how to pay.

Thank you! Have a safe and happy day.

Our little helper

Amelia spent five hours at the rehabilitation center where her aunt is living & learning for several more weeks. We were wary of how she may react to all the wheelchairs and equipment, but she didn't seem to even notice. In fact, she thought it was funny that so many people were "driving! not outside!".

Amelia brought her toy doctor kit so she could make sure the nursing staff was taking good care of her sweet aunt. She held her aunt's arm and helped guide the wheelchair through the halls. She told us all to "shhhh" when her aunt closed her eyes for a brief rest.

It was so heartwarming to see such a small child take such a loving, gentle approach. She seemed to understand that things were different, but she embraced that difference and projected her love and attention onto her beloved aunt.

Sometimes my girl can be really sweet. I am so proud of her.
And of my sister-in-law for fighting so hard and keeping a smile on her face.

How do you not ask why?

WHY?

It's the question you are not supposed to ask. It's the word that sticks in your brain and pains your heart. And it seems it's the hardest thing to push away in times of trouble.

The rest of the world moves on. We're expected to go back home. Go back to work. But when someone we love is in pain and facing a tremendous emotional challenge, it's almost too hard.

It is not easy to spend countless moments in a hospital, searching for progress wherever it may be found. But it's definitely not easy to be back home, either. The world keeps moving on. They move on with a smile. But we have heavy hearts. And only the big picture matters anymore.

I want to know WHY.

Being a perfect mom? Now only means being there for your child, no matter how old. Just like my mother-in-law, standing by her eldest daughter.

Being a working mom? I don't even care anymore. I will put forth the effort I can, but I can't bring myself to think it matters. At all.

A happy mom? I can rejoice in the funny things my daughter does, but my heart hurts. Even when I'm feeling OK, I see the pain in my husband's eyes as he worries about his sister. And then I hurt again.

I want to know WHY.

Speechless... (almost)

What is there to say on a mommy blog when a loved one is facing a drastic life change?

My gentle, caring, lovely sister-in-law is facing quite a test in her life right now. She is blessed with an amazing family who will go the extra mile (or 500 miles) for her. A husband who is caring and hard-working. And some lifelong friends who will help hold her up when she feels like it's too hard to go on.

It is said that when God closes a door, he opens a window.

It's hard to see that open window right now, but I know we'll find it.

And by the way, nothing brings so many smiles in times of stress than a 2-year-old (adorable) girl yelling "smooches!" in the hospital.

Maybe she should visit there more often. It's inspiring to see a little extra light flicker in the eyes of families who are worrying about the ones they love.

If only we could bottle the joy of a child. We'd make millions.