Tuesday, March 9, 2010

He's a bully. And he's two.

My mommy alarm bells are going off today. I'm not sure if it's an overreaction or normal mom concern. I could definitely use some feedback.

I've been worried about a particular kid in Amelia's class lately, let's call him "C". This kid is big and pretty much ALWAYS aggressive. He pushes, squeezes hands really hard, scratches, and pulls hair. Once it took both adult teachers to pry C's hands out of Amelia's hair.

When I see this kid in the mornings, eight times out of 10 he is misbehaving. He's even thrown toys at me before! Amelia has begun copycatting this kid's actions. She's pushed and squeezed hands. And today, I got a report that she pulled one little girl's hair multiple times. And landed herself in a well-deserved timeout.

If my worries about her becoming a bully aren't enough, there's something else. Amelia showed me her arm a few times today and said "C bite". I asked her, "C bit you?". And she kept saying yes to the question. She even began to cry. I asked her if she is scared of anything, and she said yes. I asked her if she is scared of C. She said yes.


But the teachers didn't tell me anything like this today. They only told me that Amelia misbehaved. Is C just really sneaky with his actions? Or is Amelia becoming some kind of actress who makes up stories? Why would she say she got bit if she didn't? Do kids her age make up stories? I'm really at a loss on this one.

I definitely plan to ask her teachers about this in the morning. What else can I do? How do I keep my girl from mimicking this aggressive boy? Her aggression is worsening, but I don't know if it's normal behavior for her age or if it's the influence of kid C.

At the least, would I be justified in asking that she not get put in the same class as him next year?

Mamas... what would you do?


Kathy, Kevin, Samantha said...Best Blogger Tips

Hey Julie,

I would just try to tell her no to the behavior that you witness and try to stop it at home and explain why it is wrong and that "C" is in the wrong and she wants to be a good girl not a bad girl.
Maybe you could talk to her teachers about her being scared and they could try to watch more closely how he interacts with all the kids. You definitely need to reinforce her good behavior and punish bad behavior even if it is learned.
It is great she can tell you her feelings, but I know my niece did use to make things up and overdramatize things so you can only react to what you see or the teachers tell you for now.

Good Luck!

Meggan Hood said...Best Blogger Tips

Julie - I think our girls are leading parallel lives at school. We need to get them together for a play date so we can compare notes.
- Meggan

KellyW said...Best Blogger Tips

Definitely talk to her teachers and let them know about the bites. It may have happened when they didn't see. As a teacher, I didn't & couldn't always see EVERYTHING that went on in the room even though I tried my best.
She's acting out most likely because she sees C acting out & he's getting attention, albeit negative attention, from his actions. She wants attention too so she mimics what he does. Normal kid behavior. Hey, I'll do what kid C is doing. That looks fun!
I would definitly be persistent about C's behavior though with the teachers and let them know how concerned you are and what plans they have in place to modify his behavior, what the rules/consequences are, etc.

BalancingMama (Julie) said...Best Blogger Tips

Meggan - maybe we should go to a toddler karate class together? ;-)

BalancingMama (Julie) said...Best Blogger Tips

Thanks, ladies. I was really upset about this yesterday. I just fear that I'm not doing the "right" thing and as a result, Amelia will turn into a bully herself. Or she'll turn into a scared, weak little thing. I want her to stand up for herself, but definitely not with violence.

Life with Kaishon said...Best Blogger Tips

Wow. That is SO hard to figure out. I would ask the teachers if the child could be moved to an older class perhaps. I don't know how old your daughter is. I used to be a Kindergarten teacher and I have to say boys are often aggresive and naughty. It is so hard to help some of them. I hope your daughter doesn't have a traumatic time at school any longer. I know that must be very stressful for you. Hopefully the teachers will be able to shed some light on this situation.

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