Before child...

Before I had a preschooler, I never realized:

• All the sugar packets at restaurants have been played with (possibly licked) by a small child.
• Preschoolers will completely ignore their friends during a playdate, then later tell you "I had such a great day with (friend)!".
• Choo-choo trains are exciting and fascinating by day, completely terrifying in dreams.
• Food can be made out of anything: woodchip pizzas, play-doh cupcakes, sand pies, mud puddle soup... (warning: do not let them get their hands on dog poo).
• Stuffed animals have feelings. They cry, hit each other, miss their mommies, and often need timeout.
• Stuffed animals also need frequent diaper changes (and many, many baby wipes).
• It is nearly impossible to outsmart an almost-three year old. Don't try to be sneaky, they are all on to us.
• Fairies get sucked down the bathtub drain and end up swimming in the ocean. That's why you see so many at the beach.
• Ceiling fans are terrifying.
• Preschoolers could care less who is on the other end of the phone. But if Mommy is talking on it, they transform into noisy, clingy octopus-like creatures.
• Mommy's day off only works if Mommy is in another state. Or another country.