Mommy needed the ice cream sundae... really!

I'm enjoying a hot fudge sundae from McDonald's right now. I've been craving ice cream for nearly a week, and this oh-so-delicious sundae is making me oh-so-very-happy.

Tonight was open house at Amelia's school. She is officially registered for Tues/Thurs 9:00-4:00 for 12 straight months starting September. Is it normal that I get that little panic feeling each time I go to one of these school functions?

Last year it was the tables & chairs. No way was my active girl going to sit in a chair! (You know what... she totally does. And she loves it.)

This year, I'm cutting back one day of school but increasing her hours. She'll be doing "late stay" until 4:00. This means she'll be expected to nap at school. On a little mat. Next to other kids.

Could this spell disaster for my busybody little girl? Even at home, she's hit-or-miss with her naps. And absolutely nothing can be going on within 100 feet of her room. And absolute silence is required. Hmmmmm....

But then again, maybe she'll learn something. These teachers worked magic with her this year. Why shouldn't I expect the same next year?

I know I should be optimistic about everything this year. But that little panic feeling keeps coming back. Mixed with a good dose of mommy guilt. And a struggle to give up more control. Wow, school is so much harder for mommies than it is for kids!

This is why I finally broke down and got my hot fudge sundae. I drove directly from open house to the drive-thru. I deserve it!

...right?

Proud mommy of a genius girl!

(Disclaimer: The following post is not even remotely unbiased.
It's written by a mommy who thinks her kid is the best person in the world.)

Amelia truly astounds me every day by the things she knows and does.

This girl has a memory like nothing I've ever seen. Maybe all little kids have this kind of memory... but I like to think Amelia is just a super genius. Hey, I'm allowed to be subjective. I'm the mom.

My parents came for a quick one-night visit as they pass through on their way to a Florida vacation. They used Valentine's Day as an excuse to spoil Amelia with even more gifts and toys. And non-stop attention.

One of Amelia's new gifts was a set of picture/letter flash cards. A for apple, B for bee, C for car - 52 in all, with uppercase and lowercase letters. I was going through the deck one by one, showing Amelia all the pictures. At 22 months old, she already knew a word for almost every single picture! She got maybe 10 wrong out of the whole deck.

In rapid-fire succession, Amelia yelled out "airplane! apple! bee! cat! car! girl! house! octopus! spider! tree!", and so on. That alone impressed the heck out of me. I knew Amelia had a lot of words already, but hearing her spout them off one by one and attach them to a correct picture was awesome.

There were several she didn't know. Like queen. Or pear. Or kite. I told her those words. Then she played this game all over again with her grandma. We cheered her on with every correct word and repeated for a second time the ones she did not know.

A couple hours later, as we were eating dinner together, Amelia started saying "queen! pear! kite!", etc. She repeated several of the new words we'd taught her earlier that evening. And when we got home, she played with the flashcards again - and got even more correct than she had before. She absolutely, without a doubt, knows at least 5 brand new words! And she learned them after seeing the picture and hearing the word only twice. Her memory and ability to learn quickly is really fascinating.

I think she's brilliant. :)

Oh, the decisions! Classes & Parties...

This week we're registering Amelia for next year's preschool class. I cannot believe she's already signing up for a 2's class! How can she be so old already?

I spent a good bit of time over the weekend trying to choose between all the options her school offers. If they'll let us start with the July summer program, Amelia will begin attending Tues & Thurs only, but from 9:00 - 4:00 (instead of 9:30-1:30). This extra time will make up for my loss of a school day (Wednesday), and allow me to be in the office for a couple more hours when I do go in. I'm nervous about how she'll handle the nap time, but otherwise think she will do wonderfully.

Steve & I were not planning on having a birthday party for Amelia this year. But after talking to friends and my sister (who really wants to attend a party for her niece), I decided that we will host a party again this year. The local park/playground already has their pavillions booked, and all the other locations I found were just too much money. I'd rather spend more on parties in the future when she really cares and will remember it all. So I'm in party planning mode again!

Last year I needed everything to be absolutely perfect. I wanted everyone to walk away from the party talking about how cute & unique it was. Now I wonder... why? This year, as I honor my pact to myself for more balance, I understand that I can go the simple route and the day will be just as fun. I'm hoping for nice weather so we can set up some tables in the yard. I want a bubble machine so the kids can enjoy popping & running through the cloud of shimmery bubbles. I want a cute cake, and maybe we'll order pizzas. Done. And Amelia will think it was just as magical a day as she had last year. I'm excited for party day now!!!

Still can't believe my little baby girl is going to be TWO. Thirty-nine days left before her birthday.

Getting better at balancing!

I've really made a conscious effort to manage my life over the past few weeks, and I do think it's made a difference.

I'm never going to stop trying to be "perfect" - call me anal, if you will. I want the best of everything for my girl. I want to follow all the rules to make sure she learns what she needs to learn and has fun doing it.

I don't see the Working Mommy role leaving anytime soon. I need that bit of outside purpose in my life. I need to stay current in the industry. And I don't want to give up the extra mad money I'm able to earn.

But in order to be the Happy Mommy, I knew I had to let little bit of each of these go. I've set a time each evening to completely stop working - no checking email, no thinking about the latest crisis, etc. Just like walking out of an office for the day, I have to walk away from that part of my life. And I have to relax Amelia's "rules" a little bit. She's 22 months old, not 22 years old. She can't understand everything we want of her just yet. She's trying, and we have to be happy with that. She's a brilliant and sweet little lady, even if she does test me with her spunk and curiosity.

We had a fantastic weekend, even if the weather once again did not cooperate. We had some playtime at the mall yesterday and went to the fantastic indoor playspace this morning. Amelia is still afraid of the slides, but she really loves to bounce! We had a nice time. We live for weekends!

Is there room for Sad Mommy in here?

Today started awesome - I got my home cleaned! This wonderful housekeeper was here for 5 1/2 hours!!!! Everything is dust-free and sparkling. I may never go to the spa again. For the same money, if not a little less, this feels just as good. Really!

But as the day went on, it turned bad. Really bad.

A high school friend passed away suddenly today. Apparently of a heart attack. He was 31 years old. I'd lost touch with him for several years, but remember him well. We occasionally walked together after school to where our moms worked. He took me on a Valentine's Day date once. He held my hand on a church bus trip. He sat with me in the hallway at school after lunch. He was the first one to notice when I got my braces off, and he said "Wow. You look beautiful." I'll never forget that. He was a football player and hung out with the popular crowd. But for a time, until the pressures of popularity and cliques changed both of us, he liked ME. He was a sweet and funny person and he will be missed. My heart aches for his mom who was my 4th grade teacher. And also for his father, brother, and all who loved him. Such terrible news. He meant a lot to me throughout some really difficult teenage years.

Amelia was a nightmare all afternoon. Because the housekeeper was still here, Amelia did not nap. Which turned her into a grumpy, crying disaster of a child. I love her with all my heart, but WOW. For such a little person, she can knock me down good.

And she threw my cell phone in the toilet tonight.

Steve is working late. I put Amelia to bed early. I'm going to crawl in bed with a book and hope this day ends quietly, with promise of a much better tomorrow.

Retreat into the work-at-home mommy's mind

Work-at-home moms really don't get enough credit.

Stay-at-home moms are praised for their devotion to their families and personal sacrifice (as they should be).

Working moms are looked upon as the "have it all", savvy, modern women of today (again, well deserved).

But until people try to do regular office work with a toddler hanging off their arm, trying to crawl in their lap, or destroying something in the house, I don't think this particular balancing act is easy to comprehend. Oh - and don't even get me started on trying to have a work-related phone conversation with an almost two-year-old in the same room. Thank goodness for email!

I'm starting to think I should drop Amelia off at random offices around town to see how different folks handle her while simultaneously satisfying the needs of bosses and clients. Maybe I'd learn a trick or two.

My husband asks me why I've added this blog to my ever-growing list of things to do. Sure, it seems like a project at times. But more often than not, I look at this blogging time as my way to capture a few precious moments each day where I may retreat into my mind and leave everything else behind. Whether anyone enjoys reading or not, it's therapeutic to spill out the contents of my brain on a daily basis. My husband should be happy; I'm probably bugging him a lot less because of it!

Today my mind is trying to figure out how to add some structure and sanity back into my work days. I know, I know, structure is not exactly a toddler-friendly word. But I'm wearing myself down trying to be all things to all people. The money I bring in by working is extremely helpful to our household. We're blessed with a lot of things. And honestly, I'm not willing to give up the little luxuries I'm able to enjoy here & there. Work also keeps me current in my industry so I can make an easier transition back into that world someday. But I think it's time I set my foot down. Here's the plan:
I should determine the work hours that balance best with Amelia's needs.

I should tell everyone I work with/for that this is how it's going to be.

I then pray I don't get let go because of it.

Then I stick to my schedule no matter what.

I know I'm the one at fault most of the time, checking email at all hours. I'm going to figure out a way to fix that. And I need to concentrate more on managing the expectations of others and less on jumping through hoops to exceed expectations.

One set of arms tugging on me at a time would be nice.

Wish me luck!

Mommy loves Amelia

Sometimes I let my patience issues turn into crankiness.

Sometimes I worry so much about work issues that I push her aside more times than I should.

Sometimes I allow the control freak in me to make things harder than they really should be.

But when my girl really needs me, nothing will keep me from giving her everything I possibly can. Having such a sick little one is difficult. It's tiring, emotionally draining, and stressful. Amelia had a better day yesterday, but she's still refusing almost all food. Her spunk and humor are not quite there, and I can tell she just wants quiet time with me. We watched a lot of TV together yesterday. Not the most educational of days, but it made her happy. And I found some peace in a slower day where my priority was crystal clear.

I love this girl with all my heart. And I'll strive every single day to make sure she knows it.