What I want

Lately, I feel like three years' worth of tired smacked me in the backside and kept going, leaving tread marks down my poor body, smooshed in the road.

Aches and pains keep me up at night, stripping me of any hope for a chipper, rested morning. The more tired I feel, the harder it is to be a good mommy. My patience is stretched thin and I just don't feel like getting up for the fifty-second time to fetch a another snack, put in a DVD, help fit a puzzle piece, or open the too-tight jars of Play-Doh.

I struggle through each day, searching for activities that will bring bedtime closer... sooner. I pathetically hold on to hope that my husband will come home a few minutes early, just to get disappointed again and again as his overly demanding job pulls him into one more long phone call, one more meeting downtown, one more urgent email.

Honestly, people? I'm pretty annoyed that no one told me my life as Mommy would be truly, physically painful.
Don't get me wrong; I love my daughter more than anything on this planet. I would not give her up for all the riches, or comfort, or glory in existence.

But?
I. Am. Worn. Out.

I want to be a three-year-old for a week...

I want to make the household wake up when I say so. I want someone to efficiently fix my strawberry milk and pancakes, turn on my favorite shows, and cover my toes with a blanket that is both silky and soft. I want to wait until my cook/maid/general servant sits down for 16 seconds, then remind her that my cup is empty and I need more milk. I want to change my mind and select a DVD instead of a TV show, requiring her to get up once again to load the disc into the machine. I want to tell her when to play and what to play all day long - and all while she stays mentally on top of our schedules, my needs, my wants. I want her to anticipate my needs. I want to sit in my luxury wagon ride (with cupholders!) as she hoofs it down the road in 89-degree weather and 80% humidity just to entertain me. I want her to cook my dinner, clean my dishes, clean up my toys and books. 

Then, she can run me a warm bubbly bath, clean me, and help me into my favorite cozy jammies. She - or even the back-up servant at this point - can then hug me, read to me, and sing to me as I ease into a peaceful comfort. I want to be tucked into my big girl bed and given one extra kiss goodnight. I want to know that I am always safe. That I am always cared for. That I have no responsibility of my own.

I want to be a three-year-old. I want this for seven straight days.

Full service.

No worries.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll be refreshed enough to take over again.

- - - - -

Added note:  I wrote this Sunday night. Monday morning, my child slept until 9:04 a.m.! She has been playing independently all morning. It is noon, and I'm still wearing my PJs. Thank you child, for knowing what Mommy needed. I'll still take a week of being you but for now, this will do.

Wordless Wednesday: Sweet Tooth

Sweet girl with a sweet tooth (like mama, like daughter!)

Shhh... hear that?

Silence.

I love watching her sleep. Her sweet little round face is calm. The long eyelashes on her closed eyes are lovely. We're resting together in my room - our new favorite naptime spot. I listen to nothing but the sound of her gentle breathing. The phone is unplugged. My cell is on vibrate. I am forced to spend time in silence.

I like it.

I should be napping

I really should. I should be chilling out on the couch, nothing but silence coming from the baby monitor, my eyes closed. But am I napping? Of course not.

I have some kind of ridiculous obsession with finding things to do. Even when I am caught up on work and chores, I manage to waste time on Facebook. Or email. Or, like this very moment, I have a blog post to write. And 99.9% of the time, right as I have finally decided to take a quiet moment all to myself, I hear that little sweet voice from upstairs.

"Mommy?" Mommmmmmy?"

She seems to know exactly when to wake up. To make sure I have wasted every precious second of her naptime on stuff that I may or may not have needed to do.

Today I am going to relax. As soon as I finish this post. Last night, I was lucky enough to have a girls' night out with three neighbor/mommy/friends. We had some margaritas and yummy white queso dip. I had a BBQ chicken taco that was a little bit spicy and quite yummy. And the four of us, we laughed. We laughed about our husbands (in the nicest possible way, honey). We laughed about our kids. We actually conversed on subjects that had nothing to do with our kids (imagine that!). And we talked about how another neighbor's kid may or may not wear a swim diaper in our community pool (I seriously hope so). And the drunk neighbor who once could not find his own home. It was a really good time. Something we need to do much more often.

I was out way beyond my usual self-imposed curfew. These days I barely make it to 10:30 before crawling into bed. We got home around 11:10. I had a fabulous no-stress sleep. And now I am greedy for more "me" time. I could use a little more rest.

So here is my announcement: I am going to take a nap!!! I have no ability to nap longer than 20-30 minutes, but I'll take what I can get. Yay for calm & rested Mommy! See ya later.

A heartwarming mommy moment

After a very rough weekend of Amelia illness, 2-year molar teething (again!), and a 3-day hunger strike, I was thrilled to hear Amelia begin her day with chatter and giggles instead of tears. She ate breakfast and went to school happy. At school, she played on the playground, worked on some art, entertained her teachers with some dance moves, and ate all of her lunch. I thought I could not be happier with her positive turnaround since our nightmare of a weekend.

I was wrong. I could be happier... Amelia treated me to an extra-special mommy/daughter moment today. She filled my heart with joy.

Amelia wanted me to rock her to sleep at naptime.

I have not been able to rock my active, precocious girl to sleep in over a year. So when she demanded that I cuddle with her in the rocking chair and listen to music, I did it. We didn't talk. We didn't sing. We just sat together, her head on my shoulder, and rocked.

I feel the pull of my various responsibilities constantly. The working mom in me always wonders what's in my email inbox. The "perfect" mom in me is always worried about something - is she potty training fast enough, is she going to stop pushing other kids at school, is she hyperactive? Way too often, it is the happy mom who gets left behind. I'm a multi-tasker. I can check email while I watch the mac-n-cheese cooking on the stove and clap for Amelia after she sings me a song. I don't often let myself stop and truly immerse myself in a moment. There is always something else to be done.

Today, for 15 minutes, everything stopped. Thoughts of work left my brain. The pull of my email, my blog, and Facebook did not exist. The ongoing internal debate over when to take away Amelia's sleeping pacifier ceased. Amelia and I enjoyed our moment together.

And I was, 100%, without a doubt, happy.

If you have an infant and you're struggling with sleep deprivation, try to take a second and find the joy. Because too quickly, you won't be rocking that little one to sleep anymore. Unless one day they surprise you.

Today, I was happily surprised.

It's Friday! And I'm going to bed.

Woah, what a day! It started out pretty well, visiting friends at my former place of employment. Amelia was all smiles and shyness. Then lunch with an awesome friend who is braving the working world as a brand new mommy.

It all went downhill at nap time. Otherwise known today as "fight the toddler for two hours to get a nap and drastically fail" time. This child turns into an angry green monster when she doesn't nap. Really!

See?

And on another note, Claude the kitty is still pretty sick. Blood work came back totally normal, so we have no clue what is wrong. He's just on pain meds at this point. And the Amelia monster decided to torment him this evening with a laundry basket. Poor, poor buddy.

So here it is, Friday night. I'm sure many people are out to dinner, maybe a movie, possibly socializing with friends. Meanwhile, I am going to bed.

And I'm thrilled about it.

Sunshine finally in the forecast this weekend. I'll be ready to start over with a brand new sunny day. TGIF!!!