Wind and a blur of color

T-shirts and sneakers whiz by in a blur of rainbow colors. Heat from sun-warmed metal radiates through our clothes. Wind lifts my hair, tangles it. The volume of her voice rises and falls as we, too, rise up and glide down, around and around.

Mother and daughter, we survey our domain. We lean to the side, fingers wiggling at the little Daddy down below. I spot a petite train. She exclaims when she sees a playground. Grins are exchanged with nearby riders sharing our little bit of airspace.

Her joy in this moment is worth the nausea to come.

This week's writing prompt from Galit at Write on Edge: "This week I want you to conjure something. An object, a person, a feeling, a color, a season- whatever you like. But don’t tell me what it is, conjure it."  Our limit was 100 words.

Date night!

"There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship."
~Iris Murdoch



Date night. The best prescription for a mom suffering from fatigue, sore muscles, lack of patience, and that gloomy "alone" feeling that comes from, well, never quite being alone.
 
Date night has not happened in a long time. And it almost didn't happen this week. We talk about scheduling a date night, then we forget to arrange a babysitter. Or we let other things interrupt our weekends. Sometimes, life's chaotic moments steal our good intentions away and leave us no other choice.
 
We arranged a sitter ahead of time this week. We made reservations at The Melting Pot.

But 6 hours prior to our date, the sitter called. She had a family crisis and had to cancel. I almost gave up right then. But happiness and marriage need effort. And I really, really needed something to look forward to. So I called upon my sister and brother-in-law. Thankfully, they were willing to drive 35 minutes and play with Amelia so we could go out.
 
Our date was lovely. Dinner was fun and mouth-watering. For dessert, we chose the Cookies & Cream Marshmallow Dream. Warm dark chocolate fondue with marshmallow cream and crumbled Oreo cookies on top. To dip? Strawberries, marshmallows, banana, brownie bites, cheesecake, and Rice Krispy treats.
 
Divine!
 
I really had fun this evening. My husband and I talked to each other. We laughed. We took our time over a 2-hour long dinner. We had no child climbing on us, demanding that we color on her paper placemat or yelling "I'm ready to go!".  I ate a meal without getting up to serve something or clean something... not even once!
 
I feel relaxed tonight. Haven't felt that in a long time.

Sugar & Spice - for now

Newsflash!

My fiery little princess may be emerging from her terrible twos!!!

Could it be?
She has been really sweet lately.

Amelia is listening much better to instruction - when I tell her it's clean up time and I sing the clean-up song, she actually cleans up!

Amelia is more understanding of Mommy's feelings - when I tell her I'm too hot/tired to play outside anymore, she pats my arm and says, "It's OK, Mommy. I'll rub your back."

Amelia's transitioning has improved - the "first this, then this" logic is finally starting to sink in. She does use this to her own advantage sometimes ("Just one more show, Mommy, then I'll take a nap."), but at least we're communicating.

This is not to say we don't have tantrums and disagreements, but those tend to be brief and somewhat easily fixed. She is relying on the pacifier for shorter & shorter periods of time before handing it over to play.

I think my little girl is growing up. Again!

If this indeed marks a turning point in Amelia's attitude, I will soon happily announce that I survived the terrible twos! Not easy. I have a daughter with a little edge to her personality. She is independent, opinionated, and very vocal when it comes to her wants and needs. I feel like I've been beaten by a little Jekyll & Hyde for 4 months. If this is the end... or at least an improvement... I will be one happy mama.

Right now, the more experienced mothers are laughing at me. Just wait, they say. Just wait until age three. Just wait, they say. Wait until you have more than one kid. Just wait... it's coming back one day.

I know, I know.

But for now, let me live in my little cocoon of bliss. I'm enjoying it here.

Wordless (almost) Wednesday

One year ago, Hilton Head beach trip. It took Amelia less than 5 minutes to find her special surprise in Grandma and Granddad's bags. The joy on her face was priceless! Luckily, I had a camera in hand at the right moment.

Beach trip coming up again soon! I cannot wait for some lazy days on the sand listening to the waves crash on the shore. Maybe a sandcastle or two with my hubby and my girl.

I wonder what surprise Amelia will find in her grandparents' luggage this time?

Crazy man

I have been married for 7-1/2 years to a wonderful husband - and friend. He is helpful around the house, understands (and tolerates!) my quirks, and truly adores his little girl. I know a few people who don't have that kind of support at home. And it's heartbreaking.

These days, however, Steve and I consider ourselves lucky if we manage to watch one TV show together in the evening. More often than not, he barely gets Amelia to bed before booting up the computer and getting back to work. Or I'm so worn down that I just want to curl up in bed with my latest ebook on the Nook. We both know that the craziness is temporary. We're both striving to find some sanity again. And in the meantime, I've learned how that little spark of love can show up in the strangest ways.

We were coming home from the rehab hospital, three kiddos in the back seat, laughing and singing children's songs. We stopped at Costco for some gasoline. That's when I heard some Amelia giggles. There was my husband, peering in the backseat window while pumping the gasoline. Making ridiculous faces at the kids. Really silly ones... not lazy just-stick-his-tongue-out kind of faces, but full-on wacky contortions of every possible facial muscle. The kids thought this was hilarious. Amelia's laugh was priceless.

And at that moment, laughing along with the kids, it struck me just how much I love this guy.

Crossed eyes, puffy cheeks, and buck teeth.... who knew?

Breathless Moments

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

One of my all-time favorite sayings.

At least it used to be.

What brings me joy?

My answers would have been quite different had I been asked one month ago. Like most of you, I likely would have listed some of those breathless moments. The birth of my child. Coming out of anesthesia post-surgery to see my husband smiling down at me. An amazing moment on a rocky cliff in gorgeous Hawaii.

But these days, in the aftermath of my sister-in-law's tragic accident, I know that joy can (and should!) come from the small things we usually take for granted.

What brings me joy?

EVERYTHING.

My sister-in-law had a bad fall in the mountains on July 8th. She fell quite dramatically on her left shoulder, breaking her clavicle and shattering her vertebrae at the T4. She tells us, at the moment she landed in the river, she knew something was very, very wrong. She knew she should be in pain. But she could feel nothing. She wanted to move out of that cold 40-degree water, but she could not even wiggle her foot.

My sister-in-law is paralyzed. She cannot feel her legs. She cannot walk. She cannot put on her shoes. She cannot get through a day without pain medication.

It brings us great joy that she got accepted to one of the best spinal cord injury rehab facilities in the country. That she is learning, day by day, to understand and manage her "new normal". It brings us joy that she has use of her arms. That she suffered no brain injury. The big things are there, and no doubt we celebrate those. But now we celebrate the tiny things as well.

My sister-in-law has to call a nurse when she wants to get out of bed. She needs help reaching her water if the cup has been placed a mere inch out of her reach. She doesn't get dressed alone. She doesn't even get to empty her bladder alone. Those things will come in time. But for now, she is dependent on so many extra hands. And someone else's legs.

Getting out of my own bed brings me joy.


Walking to the toilet brings me joy.


Using the toilet brings me joy.


Standing in front of the mirror brings me joy.


Reaching to the top of the cupboard brings me joy.


Driving my car brings me joy.


Wearing flip-flops brings me joy.


Walking down the stairs brings me joy.


Jumping with my daughter brings me joy.


Breathless moments are not the only ones that are special. Life can, in fact, be measured by the mundane.

And oh, how beautiful that can be.